it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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