Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
