frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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