We won't sleep together?
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
