It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize