i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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