I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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