If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
