She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
