Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
