I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
