I need help removing her.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
