So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize