I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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