The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
