i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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