Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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