I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
