TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
