i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
