I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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