The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
