I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
