The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
