you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
