so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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