I wanna bring you to show and tell
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
