I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize