i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
