Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
