I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
