Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
