I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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