Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize