Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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