My cat gives me a boner
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We are two peas in an std pod
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
