dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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