That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
