then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
