A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
