If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Welp...herpes.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
