I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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