she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize