So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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