in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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