Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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