I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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