Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
