Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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