When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
