oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
