Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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