And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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