it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
