Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Randomize
