dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
