Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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