I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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