Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
