your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Alive.
So much puke
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Pants are for mortals
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
