i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
did you just send me my own nude
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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