There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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