I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
