i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
