Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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