Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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