so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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