Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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