You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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