Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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