Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize