Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
