Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize