porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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