I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Watching her eat just hurts me
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
