I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize