the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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