I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
