So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize