i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
