it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
