see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Let's paint friendship bongs
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
