If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
