i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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