I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
