he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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