Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
