That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
