i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
