Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
