in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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