Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
