He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
