id be glad to
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
