I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
